The Naughty List
by mynamemattersnot
Summary: The holidays are not Data's strong point but he finally sets up a good Christmas celebration until something goes horrifically wrong.


The Naughty List

**Author's Note: I was going to wait to post this one, but I could not. So happy early holidays! I don't own anything or make profit from this story. Enjoy the story! 8D!**

Captain Picard woke up on Christmas day dreading all the things that would surely go wrong with Data hosting this holiday. Every holiday celebration that Data hosted always went wrong. On Halloween, all the decorations that were supposed to be mildly scary were either far too realistic or far too awkward. Poor Barclay on that day, who was invited to that party by Geordi, had been terrified out of his mind by all the decorations. In fact, he had been so terrified that he absolutely refused to forgive Data for the overly scary Halloween until everyone, including Picard, had made an additional one hundred apologies for him.

Thanksgiving had been just as bad. When Data hosted Thanksgiving, he wound up serving a live turkey that found a way to escape the room and run wildly around the Enterprise until Worf was able to catch it. Luckily, before the thing had been crushed to death in front of a few children, a science officer quickly grabbed it away from Worf vowing she could take care of the animal. Of course, it look her a lot of convincing to make Picard believe she was capable of taking care of a live turkey and keep it contained, but she was persistent enough to get Picard to allow her to keep it.

All the other holidays were just as bad or worse. Poor Data had been yelled at and even stricken year after year because of his horrific holiday blunders. Especially on April Fool's Day where his attempts at humor only succeeded to piss off several officers. He would always pull off the worse jokes at the worst times. Several officers had ended up soaking wet or covered in pies all in moments that required absolute seriousness. On those days, Picard had been forced to assign Data security officers to make sure he didn't cause too much harm and to make sure no one would attempt a more horrific prank on Data out of anger and vengeance.

Now, it was Christmas day and once again it was Data's turn to host yet another holiday. Riker was really the only one looking forward to this day because he had found all the other messed up holiday celebrations, except Halloween, quite humorous. Everyone else, especially Picard, was a little nervous to see what Christmas might bring. However, when they arrived at Data's quarters, everything had been in exceptionally perfect order. The tree was set up quite nicely and wasn't overdone with decorations. On the tables, there was real unalive food. Under the tree were well wrapped but not too well wrapped presents waiting for them with their names on them. Nobody had expected such perfection.

"Welcome," Data greeted to all the senior officers, Guinan, and Barclay.

Barclay had only come because Geordi had begged him to and because Geordi convinced him that Data might feel bad if he did not show up. Guinan showed up strictly on her own will and because she thought it might be fun to see what was so bad about all of Data's holiday parties.

"You know with all the rumors flying around about you being a bad party host, I had expected there to be more chaos," Guinan commented out loud to everybody's slight horror.

"I was not aware I was known as a –_bad party host_." Data replied with a hint of something like sadness in his emotionless voice.

"So, uh, who are the gifts for Data?" Counsellor Troi asked to quickly change the subject knowing she was partly responsible for all the talk about Data's awful parties.

"They are for all of you." Data stated. "Is that not what is expected on Christmas? To exchange gifts to your friends and family."

"It is expected, Data," Troi confirmed, "I was just wondering."

The day went on wonderfully and surprisingly well with plenty of casual conversations, eating, and companionship. It couldn't have been a better day.

"I have to say Data, that you did a great job hosting this party." Geordi commented quite impressed.

"Thank you, Geordi. I am glad you think so." Data replied.

"Well, I did tell them you had to get one right eventually, but no one really believed me." Geordi said honestly.

"I am glad you believed I was capable of hosting a adequate holiday celebration."

"But the thing is Data. This is not just an _adequate holiday celebration_. Data this is a great party! I mean it couldn't be any more perfect and nothing was overdone."

"Do you really believe so, Geordi?"

"Of course I do, Data. I would have no reason to lie."

After that statement, Data smiled ever so slightly. He was finally beginning to understand the basics of a good holiday party.

"Ssir, do-do you think we-we c-can open the p-presents y-yet?" Barclay asked.

"Of course, you may open them whenever you wish."

At that invitation, Barclay went to grab his gift and was slightly shocked when an orange animal abruptly jumped out of the tree. The cat, Barclay realized, was Spot. Upon seeing the cat he smiled at his prior fear until the cat began to climb all over the tree wildly messing it up completely. Barclay was quick to attempt to grab the rowdy feline but was not quick enough and missed the cat by a few centimeters. The cat continued to wreak havoc ripping several of the presents to complete pieces. Before anyone else really had the time to process what had happened, the cat jumped onto the table getting into all the leftover food and demolishing whatever was left. Then, to Counsellor Troi's horror it smashed right into the chocolate cake Data had made getting itself completely covered with frosting and cake. Data grabbed the cat who hissed wildly towards Riker who took a step backwards from the cat. It took a while for Data to calm the cat down. Only when the cat was calm, did Data let it go where it went straight back to the tree as if nothing had happened at all.

Data was shocked, even with Spot getting so wild and out of hand with so many people around was just so predictable. Everything once again was a mess and another party was ruined on his account. Data frowned ever so slightly at yet another failure and looked downwards at his feet in disappointment. Everything had almost gone well only to end in complete disaster.

Just then as everybody stood silently and very still, Guinan only chuckled to herself and walked over to the smashed cake. She picked up some of it and threw it at Picard causing Riker and Geordi to laugh, and sending Troi into a fit of giggles that she attempted to suppress with her hand. Picard only looked quite mad and might have yelled if it hadn't suddenly dawned at him of what Guinan was attempting to do. He himself walked over to the smashed cake and threw it into the air accidently hitting Worf straight in the face. Worf grew wide-eyed with irritation as the whole room filled with laughter from everyone but Data and himself.

"That was NOT FUNNY!" Worf shouted but his words were lost as an all-out food fight had begun.

Riker kept continuously throwing cake at Worf in an attempt to agitate him into joining the fight.

Worf grew more ticked off and impatient and yelled, "That is it!" He picked up cake and hurled it at Commander Riker who attempted to avoid the dessert attack.

"Take that commander!" He yelled as he hit Riker with pieces of cake.

Soon, everyone was throwing cake at each other except Data who did not understand the purpose of what was happening. Dr. Crusher, seeing this, hit him with cake, made a complete mess of his uniform, and coaxed him to just try and have fun. Data listened and picked up some of the cake and threw it at everybody. Everyone in the room soon became boisterous as ever, including Data, who despite his claim of lacking emotions, had a clear, genuine smile on his face. Everyone was having so much fun that they all had completely forgotten the time. Data was only reminded as his internal chronometer went off signaling it was time for everyone to return to duty. When he informed everyone, they all rushed in an attempt to get themselves cleaned up except Guinan who simply went back to Ten Forward completely covered on cake and chocolate. Nobody else had the time to clean up and nobody really wanted to be late for their shifts so they had no other choice but to return to duty covered in cake. As Picard, Data, Riker, and Worf stepped onto the bridge, everybody's jaws had dropped and nobody truly believed what they were seeing.

The officer watching over the bridge gave up the chair for Picard and said, "Well sir, it looks like you had quite a nice time."

"Shut up." Picard ordered.

"Yes, sir," The officer replied running as quickly as he could back to his station.

"Sir, we are getting a message from Admiral Nymeria. She wishes to speak with you." Worf reported.

"Right now?" Picard asked already quite embarrassed that he was covered in cake.

"I can tell her to come back another time."

"No, Mr. Worf, now will have to do. On screen."

"Captain Picard," she greeted looking at him oddly as she saw him, "covered in cake. Captain, what in the hell have you been doing?"

"Nothing much. What is it that you wanted?"

"Nothing that important. Get yourself cleaned up first and then we will talk." The admiral replied disconnecting the message.

Picard was only absolutely mortified and embarrassed out of his wits. He felt that another holiday had been ruined by Data.

**Author's Note: 8D! Well, I had tons of fun writing this and I hope you had just as much fun reading this even if the characters may have been a little OOC. I hope you liked it just as much as I did. Cookies to all my readers and my reviewers and once again happy holidays to you all! 8D!**


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